Thursday, October 23, 2008 goes. From my perspective Ramona was having a pretty decent day. Last night was filled with aches and pains, and she actually never feels perfect during the day either, but this evening we realized that Ramona has gone three days without morphine. That's pretty impressive. The withdrawal effects from morphine are similar enough to what chemo feels like, I guess.

A combination of prayer, good people dropping by, and an adjustment to the nausea medication have improved the struggle with anxiety in the last two days.

When I came back to hospital tonight around 8:30. I went to the lounge to find a big group of people hanging out and having fun in there. Apparently, I had hair on my I didn't fit in. We have a neat group of people on 5B right now, all dealing with similar diagnosis es and chemos.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ramona is back in the hospital. On monday the port was put in with no complications. The whole process of this twenty minute surgery took 3.5 hours. Ramona also received two more units of blood on Monday. With all this happening chemo only started yesterday.
- Anxiety is a huge battle in the hospital
- Chemo would continue to be incredibly effective
- Our friend Andrianna is receiving horrible news from the doctors. They are talking about palliative care.

For now,

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Monday night I went into the hospital dreading like crazy my 2nd round of chemo. I stayed the night and the plan was to put a port in Tuesday morning. (A port is a device that is surgically inserted just underneath the skin. It is placed near the heart. It serves the same purpose as a PICC.) Well, plans changed all day. Winnipeg doesn't have the kind of port I need-it needs to be shipped from Toronto. For awhile we thought we'd just put in a temporary PICC, but that didn't work because my veins are too "traumatized" from the the previous PICCs. So I was sent home Tuesday afternoon. The last I heard is that the port takes two days to get here from Toronto and so I'm expecting to go back in on Friday. I'll have my little surgery and then chemo will start immediately after.
Of course it's frustrating when things don't quite work out, but truthfully, every single day that I don't have to have chemo, is another day that God can miraculously heal me. I believe that God can and has been using the chemo to heal, but I absolutely hate going through it. As I told Earl, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ever since my first round of chemo, I have not had one day that I have felt good all day. I still am weak, I still feel sick a lot of the time. I have to admit that I'm fighting discouragement, I'm fighting anxiety. The battle is so intense. It's hard to stay positive when circumstances aren't positive. I feel like I'm battling this cloud of anxiety that says that I can't escape feeling sick. Yes, I know God is still the same God-I know He hasn't changed. I know He is protecting me and 'covering me with His feathers' (Psalm 91) No matter what you know, Satan is still trying to discourage. And so I ask for an extra dose of prayer in the spiritual battle realm. May Satan and his discouraging thoughts flee and may I continue to trust Jesus. May I rest knowing that He only wants what is best for me and He's got me completely taken care of.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Goodbye PICC

Today my PICC left me!! After weeks of arguing back and forth on whether it was infected or not, today we finally got some clarity. The blood test I had yesterday helped figure things out. So, I am super excited about showering, finally a shower where I don't have to worry about getting my PICC wet! I'll probably have a new one put in on Tuesday, but that doesn't make sense to me cause I'll need it Monday night, so I don't know......
And that's the deal. I'm still fighting some kind of stomach discomfort and still tired and weak. I'm hoping that now that the PICC is gone, I'll start feeling better.

Friday, October 03, 2008


Yesterday the doctors all finally agreed that I could come home. So around 3:30 Earl & I came home and crashed and slept for a few hours!! I had felt so good in the hospital and was so thrilled to be home, but last night I again developed a fever. It wasn't really high but enough to realize that something was going on. We went to bed-the night was filled with shivering and sweating but not too bad. I felt a bit better today and have not checked my temperature in hours. If the fever continues-I have to go back to the hospital. I'm really hoping and praying that doesn't happen.
Tonight Earl & I went to a fundraiser for a friend who is also fighting cancer. My heart is heavy tonight as I was faced with the realities of her situation. It is only more of an incentive to keep praying, praying, praying. It was also a lot of fun hanging out with our friend, Earl who was also at the same event. Another highlight was hanging out with my chemo nurse and meeting her family.
So tonight I go to bed, praying that I can enjoy this weekend and not land up in the hospital and praying for a miracle for my dear friend.