Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Alright...I'm sitting on my couch watching Ramona sleep. The house is cleaned up (Ramona's mom has been with us for the last few days...which was absolutely perfect), and I'm sick of trying to find gifts on ebay. Anyway, that last post was short exactly because Ramona's meds are affecting her mind quite a bit. In fact, I had to write those last two sentences for her.
As we mentioned previously, chemo is on hold as we deal with the tumor on the right leg that isn't responding.
We had a meeting with Dr. Akra on Tuesday. He's in charge of radiation and we're really impressed with him. We feel like he's putting in an impressive effort to have Ramona's radiation pushed through quickly. It's a process that, if we don't pay attention, or if Ramona isn't prioritized will get put off until after Christmas. As it looks now, radiation should begin within the two weeks. The CT Simulation that was scheduled for next week, has been moved to tomorrow.

In dealing with the long term, a radiated tumor will grow back. This means that we need to deal with a surgery to remove that tumor.
We were also able to talk to the surgeon on Tuesday...
I'm pretty sure I used to be a nice/patient person....but when people dealing with Ramona see the glass as half empty...(and I mean very empty).......

I think I'm just going to change the topic. I can't afford to be distracted by people without hope.

I'm not gonna lie. Every part of me that is a natural human being gets pretty scared in the middle of all this stuff. It's not my idea of fun to have Ramona be so heavily medicated...
I'm incredibly thankful for the thousands of people praying for us. There are also, people fasting and praying for us. Thankyou so much.

I meant what I said with "we have no Plan B". I find it so hard to live like that. I feel like I would gladly learn to trust God with everything.......if Ramona's life wasn't on the line. I have horrible visions of everything going wrong and people trying to explain to me that God is still good...and then be back to a safe, powerless God. How disgusting wouldn't that be, for God to be safe and powerless.

The Bible teaches us to pray " Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven". It's our role to pray that the kingdom come.........

I'm simply angry at how many people i see sick all around me...there is provision for healing...

In my reading, and from talking with people I notice a huge difference between people who are experiencing God...and those whose Christianity is in all practicality atheism.....
Maybe I'm more frustrated with what I see in myself. When I fear, I am agreeing with Satan. I'm agreeing that God can't fully be trusted.
I read of people who have a life that demonstates "out of intimacy with God to destroy the works of the devil"
That is awesome. I could look inside myself and analyze all this stuff, but I promise you I will never figure it out. That is one of the most destructive things in Christianity, to look inside yourself and focus on all the things you could feel guilty about, or could change, or what ever.

Heb. 12:2. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith"
...this is more than just a good idea.....
It's such a huge temptation for me to look inside myself to think of all the things that I could have done differently in the last 2.5 years, or to fear the upcoming treatment decisions......

The spirit that raised Christ from the dead is inside of us as Christians.

Thankyou for reading my smattering of thoughts. If you want get to know a powerful God who is worth trusting with your life....pay attention....this story is not done.

16 comments:

. said...

amen! the story is not done! God is not finished.

"i lift my eyes to the hills. where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth"

someone who can make heaven and earth has power! keep lifting your eyes to Him, you two!

i love you, i am praying,
dayna

Michele said...

I second Dayna's comments! Not only is God powerful, He is faithful. He will never leave or forsake you. That is His promise! I can't begin to imagine how scary and intense all of this is for you. Know that we are praying for you both.

Love to both of you,
(Jobina's sister)

Anonymous said...

Rom. 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"

Eph. 1:17-19a
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparabley great power for us who believe."

Eph.3:16-
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being.....to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measrue of all the fullness of God."

. said...

what awesome reminders and prayers are found in those verses... (in the comment above)

Dianna said...

Still praying fro a miracle. Totally ,completely involved in that book!

Anonymous said...

God is not finished, that is so true .we are encouraged by your faith guys,. i just so can see how there could be so many ups and downs and i think you're not even sharing half of them, but i so think its true about what you wrote to just believe in the truth gods word and not try to figure anything out ourselves or reason with everything, because all that does is leave us very confused and down,, but god promised ,and he is and will be ., hallelujah!!!

Anonymous said...

I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your heart..
After we visited RAmona yesterday, I was so encouraged...her strong spirit pointed me to a God who can be trusted..
we feel so sorry for the "pain" both of you are experiencing in this cancer struggle..but HE is able to do exceedingly abundantly above ALL we ask or even imagine! Hallelujah!
Gloria.

Anonymous said...

Hey just thought we would let you know we are still praying for you!
love chuck and laura

Anonymous said...

The word I feel the Lord has for you is PEACE! jeff plett

Anonymous said...

For such a young man you are such a wise man... and sincere, and faithful...

We're still standing close in faith and prayer for Ramona


- Matt K

Anonymous said...

Just catching up on your blog from out here in leamington. Jake and I find you are never far from our thoughts and are praying for you as your battle only intensifies. Our hearts burn with you as you ask deep and real questions and choose to believe that God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do. Wanting to grow with you.... Christy and Jake

Connie said...

we remember
we care
we pray
we hurt for you

You are encouraging us to keep the faith, while we pray for you to sustain yours. Thank God for his family plan.
My Mom just died & we had a taste of God's family caring for each other in Riverton. We were so touched.
Connie Harms (& family)

Anonymous said...

hell oyes thisd is maggie, i am wishing you botjh a great christmas and a greate3r new yeah,
so
merry christmas and a hppy new year,





srry its so late, but its near cheristmas in like a few days(7 days!!)
well buy

maggie<3

Anonymous said...

JUst keep plugging in to Jesus. He is faithful through ALL our struggles. We will keep praying for his protection and healing on you both.
Arnold & Lorrie

Dianna said...

Have a Blessed Merry Christmas!

A Journey with Cancer said...

WE continue to pray for you. We love you and we Wish you the Merriest of Christmas'....a Christmas in which you truly experience fellowship with Jesus and your loved ones.
Debbie