Alright...I'm sitting on my couch watching Ramona sleep. The house is cleaned up (Ramona's mom has been with us for the last few days...which was absolutely perfect), and I'm sick of trying to find gifts on ebay. Anyway, that last post was short exactly because Ramona's meds are affecting her mind quite a bit. In fact, I had to write those last two sentences for her.
As we mentioned previously, chemo is on hold as we deal with the tumor on the right leg that isn't responding.
We had a meeting with Dr. Akra on Tuesday. He's in charge of radiation and we're really impressed with him. We feel like he's putting in an impressive effort to have Ramona's radiation pushed through quickly. It's a process that, if we don't pay attention, or if Ramona isn't prioritized will get put off until after Christmas. As it looks now, radiation should begin within the two weeks. The CT Simulation that was scheduled for next week, has been moved to tomorrow.

In dealing with the long term, a radiated tumor will grow back. This means that we need to deal with a surgery to remove that tumor.
We were also able to talk to the surgeon on Tuesday...
I'm pretty sure I used to be a nice/patient person....but when people dealing with Ramona see the glass as half empty...(and I mean very empty).......

I think I'm just going to change the topic. I can't afford to be distracted by people without hope.

I'm not gonna lie. Every part of me that is a natural human being gets pretty scared in the middle of all this stuff. It's not my idea of fun to have Ramona be so heavily medicated...
I'm incredibly thankful for the thousands of people praying for us. There are also, people fasting and praying for us. Thankyou so much.

I meant what I said with "we have no Plan B". I find it so hard to live like that. I feel like I would gladly learn to trust God with everything.......if Ramona's life wasn't on the line. I have horrible visions of everything going wrong and people trying to explain to me that God is still good...and then be back to a safe, powerless God. How disgusting wouldn't that be, for God to be safe and powerless.

The Bible teaches us to pray " Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven". It's our role to pray that the kingdom come.........

I'm simply angry at how many people i see sick all around me...there is provision for healing...

In my reading, and from talking with people I notice a huge difference between people who are experiencing God...and those whose Christianity is in all practicality atheism.....
Maybe I'm more frustrated with what I see in myself. When I fear, I am agreeing with Satan. I'm agreeing that God can't fully be trusted.
I read of people who have a life that demonstates "out of intimacy with God to destroy the works of the devil"
That is awesome. I could look inside myself and analyze all this stuff, but I promise you I will never figure it out. That is one of the most destructive things in Christianity, to look inside yourself and focus on all the things you could feel guilty about, or could change, or what ever.

Heb. 12:2. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith"
...this is more than just a good idea.....
It's such a huge temptation for me to look inside myself to think of all the things that I could have done differently in the last 2.5 years, or to fear the upcoming treatment decisions......

The spirit that raised Christ from the dead is inside of us as Christians.

Thankyou for reading my smattering of thoughts. If you want get to know a powerful God who is worth trusting with your life....pay attention....this story is not done.