Good evening from Toronto,
I've been reading back through some of our posts in the last few minutes. It's now six months ago that Ramona passed away, and honestly, it looks like I've hardly written anything at all since then. I feel like it would be a good time for me to just ponder life with the people that are still connected on the blog.
I'm now done with the first three months of the Heart School at TACF. It's been an amazing experience and one of the safest places in the world to process everything that's happened in the last few years.
I need to write a sermon tonight on the topic "Heart of Stone" which is taken out of Ezekiel 36:26, where it talks about God taking our hearts of stone and giving us a heart of flesh.
Essentially I'm talking about removing the walls around our hearts that stop us from giving and receiving the love God designed for us to experience. Basically, we have defense mechanisms or we deaden our emotions in reaction to pain.
This is quite a topic for a guy who never let his wife see him cry all through a 3.5 year battle with cancer. I'm the kind of person who would love to have some sort of magic pill to take and make everything better, but I'm finally starting to see that God loves the journey. God doesn't seem to smite when I get angry at Him. He gives me time to fall apart. I don't have to be healed in one day, or one month or one year.
I found Ramona's relationship with God such an inspiration. Few of you will probably ever fully appreciate the growth and emotional healing that happened in the last few months of her life. Again, I'm not sure God's reasoning for everything, but I saw her forgive people and gain freedom from expectations even in the last little bit of her life.
It's an honor for me to continue in the growth that Ramona and I were in together. It was maybe in the last month of her life that Ramona started calling God, "Daddy" instead of Father. It's truly a privilege for me to be here pursuing a relationship with my Heavenly Daddy.
Regarding comments on the blog. Jill and Linda and the rest of you. You need to know that you are really loved. I had asked Jill to help out with the blog. Thanks so much Jill!
I was reminded today of one of Ramona's many trips to emergency. Ramona would text Jill on the way to the hospital to ask Jill to pray for her. In the middle of all Ramona's crazy medical stuff, she would pray for Jill's husband. Ramona's care for other people still blows me away.
I read a lot of passionate stuff on the blog today. This passion really brings me back to being married to Ramona. Ramona defended what she believed with huge determination. There would be times when we would disagree on spiritual stuff, and she would process it because sometime later I would hear her passionately telling other people stuff I had told her.
Ramona's passion for Jesus was amazing.
I'll confess that I haven't been in a place to grab all of the big "Ramona's Reach" type dreams by the horns in the last few months. The time will come for me, but huge blessings to you guys who are doing the walk and making baskets and things like that.
Please send a text to me, if there is something big you'd like to know or let me know.
Love and blessings,