Home Again

My hemoglobin Saturday morning was 118. That's got to be a record high for me! (Okay so I did have 3 units of blood this week, which might attribute to the high number) Whatever the case, I was excited knowing I wouldn't be delayed by a blood transfusion Sunday morning. So yes, we are home again.
This week was...I don't know...decent, okay, average, pretty good...it's still chemo...but honestly pretty good. No crazy anxiety attacks which was awesome. I cut out some anti nausea meds which I really think helped. Thanks to all the prayers in that regard. Whenever I enter the hospital and get connected to my pole, I instantly have this background anxiety. It stays with me until I am disconnected and discharged. It's a constant battle to fight the feelings of anxiety. However, these feelings were just background this round and for that I'm SUPER grateful.
Here's the God story of the week:
Monday night when I was admitted I was told that I was in Room 34. For those of you who don't know, that's the absolute best room on 5B-it's the luxury suite. It's designed for palliative patients, but when it's not in use for that, the nurses are so amazing that they allow chemo patients to be in that room. I was excited but at the same time I didn't know if I could handle being in that room. That had been Andi's room for the last month and that's where I saw her for the last time.
After a mental battle I decided that the advantages of being in a private room were so great, that I would put forth a real effort. I entered the room and forced myself to sit on the bed and almost immediately, it became my old room. Before Andi was so sick, I had been in that room numerous times and all those memories came back. Even though some of Andi's Halloween decorations were still dangling from the ceiling, I was okay with it.


Tuesday afternoon one of the charge nurses comes into my room, has a seat and asks if it would be okay if they would move me. What can I say? Of course I don't want to move, but they already know that and they wouldn't move me if they didn't have to. So I agree to it. Apparently I'm going to move to a nonprivate room and it's going to happen around supper.
This was super hard for me. I had just finished telling Earl how amazing it was to be in a private room and now I had to move. I just felt myself getting really discouraged and down and so I suggested that we pray. We prayed that some crazy miracle would occur and that somehow I wouldn't have to move out of my room.
The evening nurses come on and I ask the charge when I'm going to be moving. She doesn't know what I'm talking about. I tell her that the other nurse had told me that I'd have to move because they had to accept a patient from emergency. Apparently they were not accepting this patient anymore and I didn't have to move. Wow-I prayed and God directly answered my prayer; how awesome and exciting!

For those who are asking how I'm doing. Relatively well. I've been having some ankle/leg pain that has Dr. Wong clueless. I've had it for about 2 1/2 weeks and at times I think it's getting better and then it comes back. Today has been pretty good and I'm once again encouraged that it's getting better. I don't believe it's anything serious. I had an X-ray to rule out tumors and an ultrasound to rule out blood clots. Now we just wait for it to completely disappear.
Thanks for your prayers and support
Ramona

Andi

Today I went to my friend Andi's funeral.

Andi was an incredible fighter. The bravery that she fought this horrible disease with was amazing.
Andi was also hilarious-she had a great sense of humor and was cracking jokes even while she was in horrible pain.
Andi, you were such a welcoming person. There was never a time that you felt too miserable to visit with Earl & I. Even in your final days, you smiled when we visited and I knew you were glad that we were there.
Andi, you were so brave. When Dr. Wong told you that you were going to be transferred to palliative care, you still were able to put on a smile and come tell me about it.
Andi, I'll miss you.
Tonight when I go in for another round of chemo, I'll be looking at your room and be hit with the fact that you're not there. I'll miss not being able to come visit you whenever I'm lonely or bored.
I'm so glad Andi that you're not suffering anymore. Most people will never even come close to experiencing the kind of pain that you went through. You fought hard and I'm so proud!
Earl & I chatted with Bobby for a long time today, Andi. He was sitting with us during the meal. He's a great man and he loved you so incredibly much.
And so Andi, I now say good-bye.
I'm so glad we were able to meet and become friends. I can't wait to see you in heaven.
I love you
Ramona

Earl Cooke, myself and Andi Jan. /08
All diagnosed with sarcoma and all having chemo at the same time

This is kind of fun, getting people to guess what kind of food I chose for my birthday!
None of you got it bang on, but the Mennonites were the closest! I had a pretty big list of things that I was debating about. Good old homemade cottage cheese perogies covered in white onion gravy was high on the list. This wouldn't have been complete without farmer sausage slathered in ketchup on the side. So good...maybe next year. :)
So the menu was as follows:
Lunch: Chili & Greasy White bread garlic toast
Dessert at Dairy Queen -Reese Twister (Only was able to finish a third of it)
Supper: (Don't laugh too hard-I know it sounds childish, but what can I say... way too normal)
Taco Salad with that amazing white sauce and New Bothwell cheese, Juicy sausage burgers with all the works including processed cheese, and Spinach salad with bacon
Dessert was this amazing Pistachio Poppyseed Dessert.
Thanks to both Moms who made such a delicious supper!

25 Years

First of all, thank you to all of you who wished me a happy birthday. I truly can say that in spite of everything, I had a good day.
Yes, I got out of the hospital early Sunday morning. I've felt pretty good all week. Of course I'm super tired and weak, but I think I'm doing a lot better than last round.
All week I was hoping and praying and wishing that I would feel good this weekend. I really wanted to have a special birthday but I knew that Friday would be the beginning of my 'bad weekend'. (About a week after I come home, my white blood count always drops and I usually develop a fever. This has often resulted in me spending some quality time in emergency.)
I know there were a ton of people praying that this weekend would be different. I'm so excited because I am not writing this blog from the hospital but rather from at home! Yesterday I felt super weak and tired all day. I could tell my body was really fighting. I tried to rest a lot and drink lots of water. Usually the fever spikes in the evening. I decided that I was not going to check my temperature unless I felt really bad. As the evening progressed, I knew I had a fever but I felt okay so I just kept enjoying the evening with my family and Earl's family. Once everyone was going home, I checked my temp. It read 38.3. Not a good sign but I decided to wait it out to see if it would go down, or if I'd start to feel bad. (I'm kind of used to these things, so I know how to read my body) Just before my brother left, he prayed for me and a few minutes later I felt my body cool down. I really believe that the accumulation of many of you praying kept me from entering the hospital. I haven't checked my temp since last night-I can tell I don't have a fever. I've been exhausted today as my body is still fighting but I am so super grateful that I am doing as well as I am. Thank you everyone of you who prayed that I would have a special birthday.

Ramona

....so I get the task of proofreading this and I find nothing here about Ramona's food choice for her birthday...I'm curious if any of you guys could guess what kind of 'normal' food she would choose after having gone almost a year with extremely limited amounts of red meat, dairy, white flour and white sugar....

Earl

Well...here goes. From my perspective Ramona was having a pretty decent day. Last night was filled with aches and pains, and she actually never feels perfect during the day either, but this evening we realized that Ramona has gone three days without morphine. That's pretty impressive. The withdrawal effects from morphine are similar enough to what chemo feels like, I guess.

A combination of prayer, good people dropping by, and an adjustment to the nausea medication have improved the struggle with anxiety in the last two days.

When I came back to hospital tonight around 8:30. I went to the lounge to find a big group of people hanging out and having fun in there. Apparently, I had hair on my head.....so I didn't fit in. We have a neat group of people on 5B right now, all dealing with similar diagnosis es and chemos.

-Earl

Ramona is back in the hospital. On monday the port was put in with no complications. The whole process of this twenty minute surgery took 3.5 hours. Ramona also received two more units of blood on Monday. With all this happening chemo only started yesterday.
Prayer:
- Anxiety is a huge battle in the hospital
- Chemo would continue to be incredibly effective
- Our friend Andrianna is receiving horrible news from the doctors. They are talking about palliative care.

For now,
Earl

Monday night I went into the hospital dreading like crazy my 2nd round of chemo. I stayed the night and the plan was to put a port in Tuesday morning. (A port is a device that is surgically inserted just underneath the skin. It is placed near the heart. It serves the same purpose as a PICC.) Well, plans changed all day. Winnipeg doesn't have the kind of port I need-it needs to be shipped from Toronto. For awhile we thought we'd just put in a temporary PICC, but that didn't work because my veins are too "traumatized" from the the previous PICCs. So I was sent home Tuesday afternoon. The last I heard is that the port takes two days to get here from Toronto and so I'm expecting to go back in on Friday. I'll have my little surgery and then chemo will start immediately after.
Of course it's frustrating when things don't quite work out, but truthfully, every single day that I don't have to have chemo, is another day that God can miraculously heal me. I believe that God can and has been using the chemo to heal, but I absolutely hate going through it. As I told Earl, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ever since my first round of chemo, I have not had one day that I have felt good all day. I still am weak, I still feel sick a lot of the time. I have to admit that I'm fighting discouragement, I'm fighting anxiety. The battle is so intense. It's hard to stay positive when circumstances aren't positive. I feel like I'm battling this cloud of anxiety that says that I can't escape feeling sick. Yes, I know God is still the same God-I know He hasn't changed. I know He is protecting me and 'covering me with His feathers' (Psalm 91) No matter what you know, Satan is still trying to discourage. And so I ask for an extra dose of prayer in the spiritual battle realm. May Satan and his discouraging thoughts flee and may I continue to trust Jesus. May I rest knowing that He only wants what is best for me and He's got me completely taken care of.
-Ramona

Goodbye PICC

Today my PICC left me!! After weeks of arguing back and forth on whether it was infected or not, today we finally got some clarity. The blood test I had yesterday helped figure things out. So, I am super excited about showering, finally a shower where I don't have to worry about getting my PICC wet! I'll probably have a new one put in on Tuesday, but that doesn't make sense to me cause I'll need it Monday night, so I don't know......
And that's the deal. I'm still fighting some kind of stomach discomfort and still tired and weak. I'm hoping that now that the PICC is gone, I'll start feeling better.
Ramona

Home

Yesterday the doctors all finally agreed that I could come home. So around 3:30 Earl & I came home and crashed and slept for a few hours!! I had felt so good in the hospital and was so thrilled to be home, but last night I again developed a fever. It wasn't really high but enough to realize that something was going on. We went to bed-the night was filled with shivering and sweating but not too bad. I felt a bit better today and have not checked my temperature in hours. If the fever continues-I have to go back to the hospital. I'm really hoping and praying that doesn't happen.
Tonight Earl & I went to a fundraiser for a friend who is also fighting cancer. My heart is heavy tonight as I was faced with the realities of her situation. It is only more of an incentive to keep praying, praying, praying. It was also a lot of fun hanging out with our friend, Earl who was also at the same event. Another highlight was hanging out with my chemo nurse and meeting her family.
So tonight I go to bed, praying that I can enjoy this weekend and not land up in the hospital and praying for a miracle for my dear friend.
Ramona

Purple Hair

Those of you who know me, know that I would never, ever dye my hair purple-it's just not me. Well sometimes you do things you'd never do if you weren't in the situation you're in! Sunday morning as I was fighting fevers in the hospital, I noticed a few hair on my pillow and immediately my hand went to my head and gently pulled and sure enough, my hair was starting to come out. Instantly I decided to shave it and made arrangements to have a clipper brought in the hospital. However, Earl's sister and Earl thought it would be good to have some fun before I went bald and so this was my look for a few hours!
Right now, I am sitting at home and blogging. Again I'm not technically out of the hosptial, but thanks to an amazing husband who fights for me and an awesome group of doctors, I was allowed to come home for the night. I need to be back by 8 in the morning. Today I am feeling superb. I feel better than I have since before chemo. This morning something was simply just different. My white blood count is coming up and I believe that's a huge reason. My platelets are still super low, even after a platelet transfusion. It's not too worrisome at this point, but I have to be careful. I don't have a clue when I can come home for 'good'. I have not had a fever at all today, so that is a first since Friday night. As much as things are going in the right direction, the right doctors have to all agree that is is safe for me to be home. Fevers and possible infections for someone in my situation, are a big deal to doctors.
Now for the really encouraging part of my day. A year ago when I was in the hospital, there was another girl going through chemo as well. We were often in the hospital at the same time and sometimes hung out together. However, I had not seen her since then and have only sort of kept in touch. Today her mom came to visit. It was such a wonderful surprise and so good to chat, connect and relate. What was so encouraging to me, was how this woman has changed completely. Previously, she was stressed and worried(no one can blame her)but today she was fighting for her daughter, praying and believing that her daughter would live. The spiritual change was so amazing and so touching to hear that her and her daughter pray for me all the time. Medically, her situation is similar to mine. We both need miracles. If you think of her, please pray for her.
I feel like there is a spiritual battle raging. Ever since I openly stated that I believed God would heal me, a doctor has treated me much more rudely. Pray that the Holy Spirit does what He does best.
And so, that's my update.
A special thanks to Melissa who sits with me while Earl's in class and studying, to all those who've filled our freezer with food and for every single prayer.
I can't wait to get into my own bed
Good night

Ramona is still in the hospital right now. She hasn't felt super good the whole time in the hospital, but considering her Neutrophils were zero for a while and the rest of the numbers were really low, I'm thankful for how good she felt. She continues to get fevers. The doctors don't know the source of the fevers.
....I guess I'll just leave you with small bits of vague info for now....I'm heading back to the hospital right away....
-Earl

So, Ramona and I went out for ice cream last night. Unfortunately......it was our stuff left over in the freezer at St. B. Ramona is in emergency now. We went in last night around eleven p.m. Her white blood count is 0.1 and her platelets are 11. She is fighting with a fever too. Considering all the previously mentioned things she feels pretty good right now............as I'm writing this, I just got a call that Ramona is being brought up to the 5th floor.
Thanks so much for praying you guys
-Earl

So, how to sum up the last week?? I sit here not having a clue what to write, so much has happened, so much intensity...
The last everyone heard medically was that Dr. Wong came into my room trying to tell me the seriousness of a possible infection. Due to this potential infection, I have been on superbug antibiotics. These antibiotics can not be taken in pill form. Therefore, they did not let me out of the hospital on Monday, neither did they let me get out on Tuesday. Now Home Care is set up and a nurse comes to our house twice a day to administer my antibiotics. I was able to go home for a few passes on Monday and Tuesday and both nights were spent at home, that was awesome, even if we had to be back at the hospital early morning.
I'm sure a bunch of you are confused about this infection, so am I. Earlier in the week I had a fever which resulted in the blood cultures showing an infection. However, the 2nd cultures taken a few days later have not shown any infection. Apparently it can take a long time for these cultures to grow, so we wait and take precautions.
I feel like I'm super slowly starting to recuperate. The couch and I are great friends. :) My pain is for the most part under control.
Thank you so much for your prayers, comments and emails. We have been surrounded by support and I thank you. It blows my mind how many people around the world are praying-thank you. And as I genuinely thank you for you prayers, I long for more as I know that it's only through Jesus that I am healed. This weekend has potential for my white blood count to drop resulting in a hospital stay. Pray that the fever stays away.
Ramona

Finally Home

Just a quick note to say that this morning we finally came home!! How amazing to be home. Earl & I are so exhausted so maybe tomorrow I'll fill everyone in all the details.
Good night
Ramona

Thankyou for posting those verses in the comments. That is really encouraging.
So...., this morning Dr. Wong comes back and essentially tells Ramona that this infection could be a big deal, and potentially fatal and things like that....and a transfusion needs to be done again...and was kind of....simply not to encouraging. Anyway, the cultures came back shortly after that showing absolutely no infection, for which I am super excited about. It is possible for the cultures to show something in the next few days if something grows..........but really...why go there.....as I'm excited about this news, I guess there is no reason to stop praying. We do realize that anything that does go wrong when you have no white blood cells is serious. Anyway, I had better go back to the hospital to try to speed up the transfusion and the technicalities that go with trying to get out of the hospital.
-earl

Things to be thankful for:
-Ramona has barely mentioned words like vomit, nausea etc.
-there is only one bag of chemo left for this round.
-Ramona has been able to be in the 'comfy' room the whole time
-Nursing staff is unbelievable
-Had some incredible times of worship in Ramona's room
-Met and spent some time talking to a Christian doctor, Dr. Foerester
-Awesome friends, family, and food

.....I don't have a good title for the next part. These next things sure don't keep us from being thankful, but are important to let you prayer warriors know about...and end up being pretty difficult sometimes
-Ramona seems to have some type of infection and may need to have a new PICC line put in if the antibiotics don't take care of it
-Ramona continues to have significant back pain. Morphine in small doses does not seem to take care of it.

My time at the kiosk has roughly come to an end. Thank you so much,
Earl

It's a good thing that we felt peace before the chemo started. The chemo started yesterday at about 4 p.m. and....is just super tough. There is no proper way to describe it. On the first evening when we came to the hospital Ramona was feeling horrible to begin with, but, the struggle within her was absolutely huge. "I can't do it" she kept saying........and that makes sense to me....To knowingly put yourself into a prison cell and inject poison into you that makes you throw up, shuts your digestive system down, makes your hair fall out, etc...etc..., I don't know how else to explain it, but in my mind it's the closest picture I have to the Garden of Gethsemane. The unselfishness is amazing.... We know it is going to take something supernatural to get through this.

Ramona has really been struggling with anxiety too. She wanted me to post this, to have as many people praying about this as possible. Ramona has had small doses of drugs to calm the anxiety. Anxiety is physical and spiritual, and we know prayer works for both those realms.

Last night Ramona was getting a fever too. We're not sure at all what is going on. At first, the doctors suggested it might be tumors breaking down. Then as her temperature rose to 39 degrees they assumed it must be some type of infection. During the night they pumped her full of antibiotics. This morning her temperature is down atleast, but she was feeling pretty uncomfortable, and hadn't slept much during the night so she wasn't feeling too good when I left the hospital an hour ago. She was going down for an X-ray when I left and they're doing blood cultures and urine analysis to try and figure out what is going on. When I talked to her on the phone now, she was about to enter a morphine induced rest, which is a really good thing.

Hey Mark and Raelynn, thanks for the supper. We appreciate people rallying around us and encouraging us and brightening up those st. b walls.

Thank you Jesus that when you died on the cross you paid for sins and sickness.

-Earl

Quick note.
Ramona and I made it to the hospital around 8 this morning.
One blessing already is that Ramona's blood count looks good. (Yesterday's was filled with warning asterisks)
Chemo should start around 1:30. (Seeing as everything in hospitals always goes according to plan :) )
Where ever you are today you've got an opportunity to praise God. Thanks for agreeing with us for a miracle.
-earl

I'll see if I can print out the comments and bring them to Ramona

Well... I just spent an absolutely enjoyable evening at home with my wife and some of our friends. If you're confused, that' s okay I'll keep writing. First of all, I was mentioning that Ramona had huge amounts of pain last night. It was something unbelieveable. I don't know if I've ever seen Ramona in so much pain for so long. I know Ramona really wanted to thank the nurses for the amazing job they did taking care of her in the 2+ hours of agony before they could give pain meds.
In the morning a CT was done. The CT results weren't exactly what we would have hoped for. It was confirmed that the pain Ramona was having is a result of internal, tumor bleeding in her chest. In addition to that. In the past 2.5 weeks one of the tumors has tripled in size, and the rest have grown significantly as well.
Doctor Wong was at the point of trying to talk us out of chemo. I asked him if there was any other form of treatment he wanted to try. There is nothing he wants to do. The chemo, he says, has a greater than 0% chance of working. Better than zero, is a good thing.
Anyway, since by that point it was realistically too late to start chemo for the day we went home. We'll be back at St. B. tomorrow morning (8 am.)to get another CT scan done and then start chemo after that.
We spent this evening singing and worshipping God in our house with some of our friends. What an absolutely awesome time. It was super encouraging for us.
I hope these details help you know how to pray.
Thanks,
Earl


Also, I don't know how to say this. But if you are a Christian reading this. Do not limit the healing power of God. Our faith is being tested and we are far from perfect, but I do not appreciate when Christians either subtly or directly plant ideas of doubt in our minds.
We have many praying/encouraging people around us, for which we are incredibly thankful.

Quick update for the prayer warriors
Ramona was having incredible amounts of pain last night when we came into the hospital. At this point it's speculation what was all going on. This morning will include a CT scan as well as other tests. Chemo will wait until the tests are done. We want to praise God that the pain has subsided and ask everyone to keep praying as we expect God to glorify Himself with amazing healing.
-earl